An easy way to understand this term is to simplify it, it’s quite simply and intelligence with your emotions. An just like any other intelligence, there needs to be some awareness, or knowledge to be able to have answers with things. So emotional intelligence is understanding your emotions, and why they happen, what you can learn from them and what you need to do about them – instead of allowing them to consume you. It also enables you to not only be aware of, but also to control, and express your emotions efficiently, empathetically and compassionately in your every day life. Being someone who does not show emotion, or holds it all in, does not make them intelligent, it makes them emotionally fearful, and that is not emotional intelligence. The latter is to actually be able to experience the emotions withing you, and process them intelligently, before they take affect of your communication, your mindset, and other areas of your behaviour.
To be able to realistically say you have EI, you would need exceptional self awareness skills, great mindfulness skills, and great self control on your actions and the way you process your behaviour and feelings. A great way to put it to the test is to be around people and test your social skills. Although not everybody is easy going or easy to handle and other people, generally speaking, most people’s energy should not affect you emotionally. Having EI is having the ability to recognise, understand and manage your own emotions, but also to be able to understand, and positively influence the emotions of others too. It involves being aware that our emotions drive our behaviours, and they also impact people either positively or negatively too.
EI comprises of five core components: 1) Empathy, 2) Social skills, 3 Self-awareness, 4) Self-regulation, and 5) Motivation.
Self Awareness
Self awareness in emotional intelligence means that you are able to influence your thoughts, behaviour, so that you interact affectively with others. It’s about knowing yourself inside and out, including your strengths, weaknesses, values, and motivations. This requires you to have great self management skills, empathy, and social skills.
Self Regulation
This is the ability to manage your emotions well by understanding them and using that understanding to guide your thoughts and actions appropriately and affectively, so that stressful situations don’t get the best of you. This requires you to think before acting or before you express your emotions.
Motivation
This will power your drive to improve yourself, work on yourself, and achieve the goals that you set for yourself.
Empathy
Empathy in emotional intelligence is the ability to feel, share and understand and share the feelings of someone else in a compassionate way. You see things from their angle, and you recognise their emotional state but also understand why they feel the way they do. This is essential to build strong relationships and to navigate social situations effectively.
Social Skills
Having these skills will help you to interact with, and understand others well. The type of skills that will help you with emotional intelligence are: effective communication, and resolving differences or conflicts without your emotions affecting you.